Fr. Noel Connolly
Personally I find the readings today
extremely challenging. In the first reading from Leviticus we are told not to
bear hatred for our brother in our heart, to be open to forgive and not to be
vengeful. And in the Gospel we are told to turn the other cheek when someone
hurts us.
I used to take these challenges in my
stride. By personality I prefer to avoid trouble so forgiving people is easier
than fighting with them. Then some years ago I was seriously betrayed by someone
close to me. This time it wasn’t easy to forgive because I was hurt in a way
that could never be undone.
For a long while I fumed inwardly thinking
about what I would do and say to get even. Besides the pain of betrayal I felt
that if I forgave the person involved I would be a fool, albeit a Christian
fool. He would take advantage of me again and that somehow that would be weak
when I wanted to teach him a lesson. I worried for some time about the need to
get even, not to let him get away with this injustice. I felt exceptionally
righteous.
But after some months of feeling righteous
and bitter I slowly came to realise that the bitterness was hurting me more
than anyone else. It certainly wasn’t hurting the person I wanted to hurt. He
was blithely ignorant of my rage. Then I read in the Book of Sirach. Only the sinner holds on to anger and wrath,
and the Lord heals us only when we stop
nourishing anger towards another.
Later I read a parable about a Native
American grandfather who told his grandson how he felt about a tragedy that had
befallen him. He said, I feel as if I
have two wolves fighting in my heart. One is the vengeful, angry, violent one.
The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one. The grandson asked him, Which wolf will win the fight in your heart,
Grandad? The grandfather answered, The
one I feed.
It is true there is often a fight going on
inside our hearts between our righteous but vengeful, angry side and our
loving, forgiving side. And if we keep running over the hurt or injustice in
our minds and keep planning how we can get even then we will feed the vengeful
side of ourselves and we will live bitter, unhappy, self-preoccupied lives.
It is this preoccupation with ourselves and
what has happened to us which keeps us from seeing life from other peoples’
point of view, which prevents us from forgiving and which isolates us in our
misery.
Many years ago in Ireland I was challenged
to always look at issues that angered me from the other person’s point of view,
to try to put myself in their boots or rather mind. I lost a lot of my anger
when I tried to see the situation from their point of view even if I still
didn’t agree with it. Another elderly Jesuit who had held many important and
responsible roels told me that when he felt anger he always prayed for the
people he always angry with. Not for God to correct them but for whatever they
wanted and needed, for their growth.
But I think the Native American’s words
about not feeding our anger apply not only personally but socially. It applies
in our families and in our communities. Strangely our families and our church a
local communities are where we find our greatest support and our major hurts.
We think we know one another and we remember too much.
But it also happens on a political level. Unfortunately our politics her in Australia are
becoming increasingly angry. There is real venom in our national debates about
all the major issues, the need for a carbon price, refugees, and the economy.
Too many of us are feeding the vengeful, righteous, angry, violent wolf. So
that constructive debate, openness and respect for the other’s point of view is
near impossible. This kind of anger will only polarise us more, make everyone
miserable and prevent the constructive dialogue we need to solve our problems.
We must try to contain our anger no matter
how justified it seems. We must not feed the vengeful side of ourselves but
encourage the compassionate, reasonable, respectful and open side. This is the
way to happiness. There is only bitterness and a narrow world in front of the
person who cannot forgive and cannot respect others. So while politics must
necessarily be competitive and our debates rigorous there is something
dangerous and destructive about the present level of anger in our public life.
We have to stop feeding it.
